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non-plushy toys

By 8:30 PM , ,


non-plushy toys
Originally uploaded by looseid

Sadie, my friend's new pugle• pup, got this bag o' treats.

With one less dog, the number of toys in my house should diminish proportionately.

The total count this AM was 27. This surpasses the number of remotes near the sofa.

So by calculation if the combined weight of my two dogs is 134 lbs.

and I divide the number of toys (27) into that, I get 4.96 lbs of dog per toy.

If the surviving dog weighs 58 lbs, then she should have 11.68 toys, or 12, to round up.

That means I must remove 15 toys.

However, the surviving dog is a harder player than the deceased, so I must flip the toy allocation.

With my dog, the dirtiest, most disgustingly crusty and mangled toys are the useful ones, therefore keepers, aka plushies. They are basically dental floss in the form of an owl, mallard, Santa, or skunk.

This bag contains all non-plushy toys, Collie Cola, a Big Mac, a plastic yellow twig, and the Hulk, and a variety of balls.

If a dog doesn't use the toy, the toy is useless, therefore takes up valuable real estate. They are often objets d'art masquerading as dog toys, and fashionable only to humans, not dogs. Anything that looks like it still belongs on a store shelf must go. Remember, dogs like to eat poo and lick nether regions for minutes without coming up for air. If you can't see things from this vantage point, you're going to make a lot of miscalculations as their guardian.

(*A hybrid breed between a pug and a beagle)

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