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café table

By 10:10 PM , ,

This morning, as I walked out of my front door, I was struck by this strange sight. The café table that's been on my front porch since last summer, the café table that BDB "loaned" to me with a pair a matching chairs, was at the bottom of the stairs upside down, having jumped to its death wedging itself against my front gate in the middle of the night. 

This is a cast alloy table that is no lightweight piece of garden furniture, not a plastic bag that flew off the porch. This metal table weighs not a ton, but enough to stay put in the same spot for the last 8 months. I mean, the table was everything short of being bolted into the ground.

However the suicide occurred, the table took with it the flower pot that was sitting on top of it and a couple of brick pavers. What the fuck happened?

I did hear a loud noise late last night, but I simply wrote it off as raccoons. It usually is raccoons. Raccoons are scary, so I don't go outside to check. And if it isn't raccoons, the prospect is even scarier, so I really won't go outside to check.

My next door neighbor was burgled while he slept in the next room a couple of weeks ago. The thief climbed in through a not-quite-shut top window that was facing the street and three stories up. He stole his laptop and wallet and walked himself out the front door. Jacob was only asleep between 3AM and 7AM, so he thinks the thief was staking out the property. CSI came out to dust for prints the next day.

I live in the oldest, smallest house on the block. And with such detritus on the property, I guess they just don't bother to look in, much less climb in [knock on wood]. My house is pretty easy to break into. I've done it myself. If it weren't for the security system, I would never sleep at night. Come to think of it, I don't sleep, ever. I guess I serve as my own sentry...
Anyway, I don't know what happened last night. There was no violent storm that passed through and I saw no signs of a break-in. But from the outside looking it, it sure looks like there was a domestic incident at my house. Broken planters and bricks strewn about. A table hurled from such a height that its leg broke off from the fatal fall, leaving in its wake, a bucket which also split open. None of it, worth a dime anymore.

It must have been the raccoons.

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